Extracted from Earthquake's Big Book of Sex Games. Description copyright 2003 by me. If you try this and have feedback or suggestions for improvement, let me know via e-mail. Thank you in advance!

Skills required/practiced: dressing up, science fiction-flavored role playing, imaginative description, negotiation, asking for what you want.

Useful props: darned near anything from the kitchen, bathroom, office, workshop, et cetera.

The idea of a first envoy who goes alone, risking him- or herself in order to learn about another culture, is from Ursula K. LeGuin's Left Hand of Darkness. She is of course not responsible for my repurposing of her idea. Another short story that readers of this scene might enjoy is Joanna Russ' "Useful Phrases for the Tourist," (written with a Clarion group but pubbed with their permission under Joanna's name).

Written in gratitude for everyone I've ever been able to laugh with, while making love.


Alien Ambassadors: a sex game for two players of any gender

You and your partner are ambassadors from two space-faring cultures that are in conflict. Assume your cultures are quite different and the beings from them are also physically very different and strange to each other. Wear impressive science fictional costumes with lots of layers and odd things stuck onto them.

Assume the conflict is serious. Your goal as ambassadors is to achieve mutual rapport so that your two cultures can begin the discussions that can avert intergalactic war. You two have been chosen as emissaries because you are respectively the bravest, toughest, most adventurous. You've seen the galaxy and seen it whole and are darned near impossible to squick. Oh, and in addition to your emotional strength, you're also superb physical specimens, of course.

You decide the safest and also most effective way to achieve rapport is by risking yourselves personally (risking your dignity at least, and perhaps much more) by giving each other pleasure, hoping this will ultimately forge a useful connection. (If you like a lot of warm-up, impressive dialogue to this effect can be improvised here.) Of course, since you're alien to each other, neither of you has the least idea how to proceed...

Take turns.

The ambassador whose turn it is painstakingly uncovers some body part (or at least waves it) and says a phrase like this:

"One of my organs of pleasure is..."
"My species' zones of enlightenment include..."
"This [insert funny alien name for the noun] is my primary locus of sexual connection."

And then, having shown the body part (or location), the ambassador has to explain what to do with it:

"My species achieves closeness by..."

Don't just ask for [usual name of Earthian sex act here], but explain the steps involved as if you were explaining them to, well, an alien. (EQ note: I find this sort of thing hot talk-foreplay. I guess you can skip it if you don't.)

The other party either does what was suggested, with the air of extreme gravity and seriousness that the situation warrants, or explains (always VERY diplomatically) why it's not possible for him/her/it. In the latter case they discuss ways that the party whose turn it is can still get his/her/its needs met.

After each turn, ask each other, "Has sufficient connection been achieved?" Continue playing until...it has!

Don't forget to formally thank each other for your mutual courage and daring and so on. Be as specific as possible in saying what you liked. The actual negotiation of the treaty can be assumed to be postponed until the next formal meeting; your achievement is that during the negotiation, each party's lead negotiator will have a being on the other side with whom useful connection has been made.


Performance Notes

Use a scene like this to take a new look at your body. Imagine that YOU ARE BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL AND PROFOUNDLY SEXY AND OTHERWISE TOTALLY ATTRACTIVE on your home planet. Everyone envies your impressive scars or the sexy way your stomach falls forward or whatever it is you used to worry about during sex (when you were a human). Now you are the being that everyone else wants to look like and/or make love with; you are also utterly sufficient and masterfully competent and...what does that feel like? Now, use this amazing body to achieve closeness.

Have fun. You don't have to make the sex conventional in any way. You can show your elbow and say that your species achieves closeness by having the elbow rubbed with a napkin ring...clockwise, always clockwise, never the reverse. And the napkin ring has to be of blue wood. Fortunately we have one right here! Sadly, your opposite ambassador may not be able to oblige you, because it's against its religion to touch a napkin ring except during high summer. You can then argue that it's high summer somewhere in the galaxy, right now...

Moving farther into this, ask for something you've always wanted someone to do to you, but were afraid to ask for, because you worried it was too silly. In this scene, nothing is too silly.

Even more adventurously, explore whether elbow rubbing (or whatever) actually turns out to be sexy if it's done with solemnity and seriousness, by a person who is focusing intently on making you happy. Hey, it could happen.

Usual role playing etiquette applies: when you find yourself dissolving in laughter, take a moment to enjoy that, and then get back into the scene. Later on, be sure to tell your partner what especially worked for you. And so on.

Alternate title: "Alien Emissaries". The other is an alliteration, though.

If you are an inspired role player, each ambassador could have a distinctive accent and/or a distinctive set of phrases for the "zone of enjoyment" ritual. (In other words they don't both call it "zone of enjoyment", but pick some odd phrase unique to their culture and stick with it.)

This could also be used with a group of people, but I haven't specialized in groups; my scenes are designed for two. If you try it with a group, let me know how you varied it!

notes on Security and HP slash and my name
links to my HP fanfics
rant about pornography (intro to Security, 1997)
earthquake to rowling (open letter from fall 2000)
riding thestrals: an OotP reading-reaction (Hallowe'en 2004)
rant about politics (Lent 2003)

click here to report possible abuse to staff